So, this month I turned 30, and I can actually say that I feel liberated to call myself a 30 year old woman! I know most of us say that, but I really do feel a sense of adultness about myself. I feel like I have stories to share and wisdom to impart on the world! Do we all think that too? I should probably mention that I may make grand sweeping statements, and I’ll apologise in advance. I can get carried away in trying to get my point across, though I do value all the differences we have!
In continuing with my self-indulgent introduction, I’ll let you all know that I firmly live by the motto’s, ‘Life is too short’, and ‘You only live once’, though I’m not a bogan so I don’t say ‘YOLO!’, and even, ‘If you stand for nothing, you fall for everything’. Correction about that YOLO part, I think I used to say it, but before it was cool. I’m big on claiming that I knew of things before they were cool. I cannot express to you more how sure I am that I invented ‘totes magotes’! I may have even invented ‘amazeballs’, though I do watch a lot of reality TV, so maybe I heard it way back when and feel like it’s been a part of my vernacular since day one. I believe in placing a double space in between sentences, and was taught at an early age that a sentence should never start with ‘because’! But sometimes I do! Because I’m crazy like that! I should also note that I was the first in my class (year 2) to learn how to spell ‘because’, so it is one of my all time favourite words to write.
Food is like my life. Not really in the full on gourmet foodie way, but more in that way than in a heifer way. Which, isn’t to say that I haven’t ever put on some pounds due to the gospel of tasty delights, I have, and would like to acknowledge that in my opinion (I’m really trying to curb my sweeping statements), it happens to the very best of us. So I’m here for you if you just love all the food, I get it!
But! I really must mention now, that this blog was started by moi, on this very summer night, not only to talk about my favourite topic ever…me! But to also open up to the universe about my struggle with fertility. I don’t expect the entire universe to read this. I really don’t even know if anyone will, which is okay, because it’s therapeutic for me to just get it all out in the open, much like a journal, but better and funner!
In the grand scheme of things, my husband and I haven’t been trying for an inconceivable amount of time. I understand that some people try for years and years with no results, just heartache, and I am only just starting to realise the pain that would cause. We have been trying to conceive a little love bug for 18 months now, and it feels like an eternity already! The months of disappointment, of thinking to yourself, ‘I shouldn’t need to buy tampons this month, I have a feeling this is the month!’ Then it’s not, and you wonder if the two of you are even doing right?! You wonder if you should have sex every second day, or every third day, or maybe every day during your fertile period. Who the hell knows? I just know that I hate conception based sex, it is the actual worst! Not that I don’t enjoy it when we do it, but the anxiety of having to keep track of the fertile window, and doing it during those times when we might not feel like it, and perhaps not doing it when we want to do it. That kinda sex mantra is the worst. The amount of apps that I’ve downloaded, and entered my cycles into, and just pored over the data for what seems like an eternity is ridiculous! Surely it shouldn’t be this difficult? How are we all here if it can be this difficult?
I heard that profound endings are ones that are ended with questions so I will leave it right there for now. xx
Suddenly Thirty-One.. 